Do You Have Time To Tango?
by Wonderfall
Summary: Draco and Hermione are seeing each other and they are putting a whole new definition to the word relationship. They spend weeks trying to "murder" one another before finding out they each lead a double life. A story of romance, horror, humor, and larceny!
1. The Good Old Fashion Stab

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! I know, another Dramione. But it'll be good, I swears it!! Dear heavens, who knows where I got this idea from. But here it is, fresh and ready to to go for you! My friend Pryo will be aiding me in this story. So enjoy the madness of our minds. 8D **

**WARNING!**

**Romance/Humor/Horror all wrapped into one.**

**This story will include, but is not limited to: sex, violence, drugs, more sex, more violence, rape, torture, more sex, sexy dancing, and maybe a crazed gnome or two. Please enjoy!!**

**JKR owns all things Harry Potter. **

**And one more little note: Updates will be slow! I'm -trying- to finish my other story Druidess first! I love that story D:**

**AND FINALLY, CUE DRUM ROLL:**

**Chapter 1: The Good Old Fashion Stab**

**- - - **

Shhhhh. Don't speak, just listen to my story, friend. My boyfriend and I are playing a little game. Oh, I know it sounds dirty, but you have no idea. See, my name is Hermione Granger. For the moment I'm dating the one and only Draco Malfoy. Are you shocked? Ahh, I guess I would be too if I were in your shoes. By viewing our history, you could easily see that we were not exactly friends in any way during or after school and especially not anything beyond friends. It was by a mere string of strange coincidence's that we met up again a couple of years ago, after school. And it was by even more rare events that we ended up dating. But that is for another time.

The reason you are here today is to listen to this new story I have. Oh, it's a devious one indeed. A couple of days ago, Draco and I were having a fabulous lunch with some dear friends of ours. Of course you know who I'm talking about: Harry and Ginny Potter, Ron Weasley and his fiance Luna Lovegood, and that Blaise Zambini fellow. We were obsessing over work, Quidditch and the recent remarriage of Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Ron and Ginny's parents. (It was a spectacular event, very over done to compensate for the small gathering that was their first wedding!) While the others had engaged in some topic I could care less about and can't seem to recall, Draco had leaned over from his chair and whispered into my ear, "My sweet Lady, I have a very sadistic and evil game for you." We always play games. Sometimes they involve him hiding my only clean pair of knickers for the day in a place I'd never think to look or they might include a scavenger hunt that ended up in the best rough sex you can imagine! But one thing remained constant: the games are always secretive and manipulative.

So, of course I had to say, "Please do tell." I was incredibly curious, only letting it show a little. Remember, secrets and manipulation. Those are key in the games.

"Why don't we try to kill each other?" He asked again in a whisper. Now see, it was a question and being that it was a question I had to answer it. Not only did I have to answer it, I had to answer it correctly.

The correct answer to that very question is, "Because it is illegal." That caused him to chuckle a little. I see it made you laugh a good bit though. Ha, it's fine. Go ahead, laugh.

He replied, "Well, I was not thinking of literally killing each other. That's no good for my image and I rather like you. I'm thinking more along the lines of coming up with ways to kill each other and 'preforming' them and who ever does the best wins." He shrugged rightly after.

"I see, what exactly is the prize?" I didn't believe for a minute he was truly serious, I mean honestly! Would you?

"We can figure that out later. Are you in?" He tried to butter me up with some short, sweet kisses on the back of my neck. But I'm stronger than that.

"How do we, as you say 'preform', the act if we don't plan on committing to the act?" I turned my head just a tad to bite him hard on the ear. See, he was losing focus on the conversation as he was treading kisses down towards my chest, and we were still in public for heavens sake.

After a satisfying 'OW' he answered, "I would think that you are a creative person, Granger. Surprise me?" He was taunting now.

I smiled, "Alright. I'm in." And that was all of the conversation we had on the topic of killing each other.

Then exactly one week later, he struck and he scored.

I work at the hospital, St. Mungo's. I am a healer and a part time researcher. That day I had gone through a terribly long shift and I was very unfocused as I walked back into our house. I stepped into our overly large front room, there were no lights and the usual cold draft of air that inhabited Draco's manor. After hanging up my cloak, I was just about to turn when I felt the hard, wooden point of a wand on the back of my neck. I heard "Hands up!" in the unmistakable voice of Bellatrix Lestrange. My heart stopped beating, a tear automatically came to my eye, and I was paralyzed with complete and utter fear. Honestly, I didn't even remember what a wand was. What can I say? The woman tortured me!

But then I heard, "Got you." in Draco's beautiful non-Bellatrix Lestrange's voice against my ear and I jumped. Then the realization dropped on me like an apple from the sky.

"Oooohhhh. Malfoy, I'm the right mind to kill you, literally." I turned around and punched him hard in the shoulder.

His smile never flickered. "Oh yea, all right. Malfoy one." He held up his index finger. "Granger," He paused dramatically. "Zeroooooo!" He made a O shape with his hand. Then proceeded to do a jig of success. I punched him again. Jerk.

"I cannot believe you, Malfoy. I could break up with you right now. That was horrible!" The woman tortured me!! It was very scary.

He stopped his dance and embraced me. "I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you? I promise."

And that he did. Oh yes, I made him give me a one hour long full body massage. Head to toe and toe to head with everything in between. By the time it was over, he was so hard he was practically forced to make love to me. Mua ha ha ha ha, no male can withstand rubbing down a woman's body for an hour and NOT engage in sex.

The next day however, my mind was on payback. Our games had taken on a whole new level, psychological. The Bellatrix thing was horrendous. So, my thought process concluded that I would toy with him just a little. I would lure him into his own house, let him freak out because I would have a glamor on the house so that it would be pitch black, and it would have to be storming outside. The fully loaded potato my friend: lightning directly followed by thunder right over your house, jump in your own skin, fear for you life kind of storm that rattles you until you cry like a child.

Payback is a bitch.

And what was my luck? Oh it's fabulous. The weather predictor at the Ministry, whom I made a special visit to, was seeing a storm just like I envisioned exactly four days later. My round started one hour before he was due home from work. The storm raged slowly in that hour, turning, screaming, speeding, until it was full blown and when he walked in, Oh! It was just great. I was watching from the stair case, happily hidden by Harry's invisibility cloak, and to my advantage having the full effects of the lighting of the mansion my boyfriend owned. But to him, oh the glamor spell had such uses. He was submerged in total darkness, absolute nothingness. The lightning was his only flash light.

His hair was racked in all different directions, he was soaking wet. The poor thing had a umbrella. Ha! An umbrella?! What good that'll do! I saw as his eyes adjusted to the lack of light as he took off his coat and threw his umbrella down; he muttered a small, "fucker!" at the small thing. Then he shook like a dog. It was almost sexy, but I had other things on my mind than sex.

I had locked all the doors in the room and put anti-unlocking binds on them. No alhormora would break my plans. He would be forced to take the stairs.

"Hey Granger!" He had called. "Are you home, love? I hope you made something warm for dinner."

A _warm_ing revenge. To me, at least. I repeat, payback is a bitch. I watched as Draco tried the door to the hallway that led to the dinning room and kitchens. After raising an eyebrow and trying to unlock it ("Alohamora!!") he wondered curiosly over to his study. After tugging at the doorknob fruitlessly for a full sixty seconds, the look of utter confusion plastered over his face, he called out again, "Granger? What the hell is going on?". I loved it already. He was obvlious!

Draco then walked over to the door that led to the southern wing. He leaned over towards the doorknob and looked at it for another good 60 seconds before saying, "Please open for me." in a sweet, sincere voice. Then he straightened up, placed his hand on the knob, and slowly attempted to turn it. It didn't work.

"FUCK!" He brought his wand back out and pointed it to the doorknob furiously, "ALOHAMORA! ALOHARMORA! ALOHA-FUCKING-MORA!!"

I didn't answer him, even though he was clearly _pissed_. I stood up, covered by my cloak, and walked towards the East Wing of the manor. It was where the grand master bedroom was, where we slept. I double checked the rest of the doors. Yes! They were all locked. I opened the door just enough for me to fit in; I didn't want to draw attention to myself afterall. Then, I ever so slightly knocked over the the lamp that was sitting innocently on a small table by the doorway. It fell over with the perfect sound of glass breaking at the exact time a overly enthusiastic lightning bolt struck outside.

I suppressed the maniacal laughter that wanted to escape my lips. I heard Draco taking the steps two at a time, no doubt searching for the source of the sound. I walked easily into our bedroom, leaving the door open wide. The glamor on the house made our room look creepy personified. Shadows were thrown across the floor and walls from every object, stretching the darkness. When the lightning struck, these shadows were intensified and when the thunder followed, the shadows danced with it. I also rigged the glamor with a cold, drafty air that was almost unnatural. I stood, prepared, in the center of the extravagant room. No more than a few seconds later, Draco burst into the room.

His... FACE.

Oh my gods, it was perfect. He was terrorized! His eyes darted around the room, taking in the shadows, the empty fireplace, the lightning struck and he jumped in his skin.

Muah ha ha ha ha ha.

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a second and then stepped forwards several times until he was in front of the fireplace and a mere two feet from me. He looked into the fireplace, as if searching for something.

"Granger?" He licked his lips and swallowed. "Hermione?" He whispered. He was out of his fucking mind with fear. I'm such a bitch aren't I?

Taking the opportunity, I slipped off the invisibility cloak, as silently as I could-which was enough because he still stood in front of the fireplace, clueless to his surroundings. I stepped lightly to his back, not touching him. I leaned up and blew onto the back on his neck, my wand ready.

He turned around like the wind and his eyes went from pure terror to shock to anger. I quickly jabbed my wand into his gut, letting out the words, "Got you." in a husky voice at the same time, another lightning strike. But the storm was beginning to roll away.

"Stabbed." I licked my lips at him, wiggling my eyebrows mercilessly.

"Fuck you, Granger." He glared at me.

"You have just gotten the old fashion stab in the gut, my sweet lover. What do you have to say for yourself?" I folded my arms over my chest and leaned my weight to my left leg.

"I wasn't scared at all." He crossed his arms and held his chin high.

"Well, luckily for you I have recorded this entire moment onto a picture for you. So now everyone will be able to see you, ahem, "not being scared"." I pocketed my wand and smiled at him, evilly!

His face and hands dropped. "No!"

"Yes!"

We stood like that, about a foot away from each other, not touching, not speaking just looking at one another. I could see he was thinking, not sure of what to do or what to make of the situation. Finally he softened his eyes and stuck his bottom lip out into a pout. I could not help but laugh a little at this. It was a big reason why I loved Draco like I did. He was a dick, he really was! A complete jackass sometimes. But he was so damn lovable, so damn cute. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, pushing my body against his and gave his lips some love with mine. I sighed as he deepened the kiss.

"I'm going to make it up to you." I whispered into his ear. I pulled away from him and retrieved my wand. Then I removed the glamor. Instantly, the room was warmer, brighter. The shadows were gone. A fire was crackling merrily in the hearth. A bottle of champagne with two glasses laid peacefully on top of a checkered blanket I put out earlier.

Yes, I am romantic. I sat down, folding my legs beneath me and beckoned him to join me. Then I poured us both a glass of champagne.

He took his glass and sipped on it before leaning in a kissing me again.

"I got you good." I then winked at him.

"I'll get you back." He then winked at me.

Now, I'll be honest. I cannot hold my liquor well. Not even a little. And, surprisingly neither can Draco. So after a glass and a half of champagne, we were borderline wasted. And another little secret, Draco loves being drunk with me. I know, it's kind of cute isn't it? He told me once that he loves being drunk with me just because he loves to share his secrets and feelings... with me. And me only. It was that, this wonderfully sentimental, sweet side of Draco that I loved. He was incredibly gushy sometimes, it was great. And at times, he made the definition of quixotic. Oh! Sorry I'm rambling.

Anyways...

Once we were borderline wasted, he started going off about how his mother used to sneak him chocolates before dinner when he was little. I believe the exact phrasing he used was, "I loooo-oooove my mother. My father was a pain the ass. But my mother was exceptionally sweet... TOOTH. Ha ha ha. Yeaaaaaaah. She would sneak me chocolates before it was dinner time. I miss her..." And wouldn't you know it? My father used to sneak ME chocolate before dinner when I was little. When I told him this bit of information, he launched himself at me, picked me up, and threw me on the bed. I was shocked for a moment. But it quickly passed as he laid down on top of me and pressed his lips gently against mine.

It was wonderful, his lips are so soft and cozy and before long I was moaning happily into his mouth. His tongue was poking out, playing with mine and exploring the points of my mouth. I let my fingers roam freely into his hair, rubbing on his neck, while I bit down onto his lips.

He pulled away and looked into my eyes. That look, where the asshole Draco was completely gone. It was just loving, good ol' Draco with the melty grey eyes that were soft and almost buttery and made your stomach tingle in the best of ways; it was the best look _ever_. Note that the definition of ever is all over eternity! Just that look from him got me randy enough. He braced himself with his knees and began to unbutton my shirt, one button by one button, the entire time looking into my eyes. When he was finished, he slid the fabric down over my shoulders, taking the moment to kiss my lips again.

Soft.

Cozy.

Yum.

He discarded my shirt and unbuttoned my slacks quietly while I began working on his shirt. It was a delicate process, the process of making love. And I always enjoy every moment, every second of the act. My second favorite part is the discarding of clothes. Draco is just so goooooood at it. The look with his eyes, and his gentle touching, and ohhhhh.

So good. His shirt was gone after a few moments, after I threw it to the side. He grabbed onto my hips and brought me up a couple of inches, pulling down my pants, leaving me clad in panties and a bra. I ran my hands up his chest and pushed off his shirt. He leaned down and began to lightly kiss my neck, slow, impassioned kisses. Then he stood up from the bed; he kicked off his shoes and unbuckled his pants and let them fall.

Then he climbed back on top of me, sporting his lazy green boxers. I wrapped my legs around him and we stayed like that for several minutes; our bodies knitted together closely, kissing one another slow, gentle, intimate. I felt his hard member against me and sighed. I just love him so much.

He reached behind me, running his hands along the sides of my stomach and up my back, and slowly he unclasped my bra. All the time, he gave me that melty, buttery, yummy look. He smiled and then brought his lips down on the base of my neck, biting and suckling on my flesh, while his hands prowled down my back, grabbing onto my underwear and tugging them down. He left my neck to complete the job, and in the process rid himself of his own underwear. And then we were completely nude, with only each other. He grabbed onto my left leg and brought it over his shoulder, rubbing his cheek along the skin and kissing my inner thigh gently. It was wonderful. He continued to kiss my soft skin, moving upwards from the thigh to my hip bone, to my naval, to just below the chest, to the area between my breasts, to my neck, and finally my lips again. Each spot blessed with a kiss. A perfect Draco Malfoy kiss.

He hoovered above me for a moment, just looking at me. I mimicked his smile, giving him everything I had.

There was no foreplay that time, no. Draco wanted to 'plunge' right into the act. He positioned me in his arms, holding me close to him, my breasts to his strong chest. He pushed the tip of his member into my wetness, slowly and delicately. He pushed until he was fully in, eliciting a small moan and more smiles from me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist. And we engaged in another kiss, as he began to slowly push his hips against mine, and mine against his.

I ran my hands into his hair, tugging at the thin blond strands when he pushed particularly hard into my region. He held onto me, one hand on the small of my back, the other holding onto my leg. After a while, I leaned my head back against the soft pillows to moan properly. This gave him all the access to my neck he could want. He started with my ear lobe, biting down gently. Then he moved down to below the ear, beginning his love bites, his suckling.

Eventually we both, or maybe just me, passed out from "too much" alcohol. I know, I'm a wimp. But I can't remember past that point. My memory just skips to the next morning, which was just as eventful as the night before...

- - -


	2. 163 Miles Per Hour

**Author's Note: Hello everyone. Here we are, Pyro, who wrote most of this chapter, and Ylla giving you chapter 2 of **_**Do You Have Time To Tango?**_** ! This chapter is written from Draco's point of view. No sex this chapter, I realize. But oh well you'll live! Enjoy the chapter. More coming soon!**

**JKR owns Harry Potter and all related things. Teeeheee.**

**Chapter 2: 163 Miles Per Hour**

* * *

Whoa, what's going on here? Oh my... well, lets see... my name is Draco Malfoy, and I am currently the proud owner of the world's largest hangover and the equally proud and ecstatic boyfriend of the wizarding world's smartest and sexiest brunette. Not too happy about the sun beams tearing their vicious way through my eyelids like hot pokers though. That's one of the only drawbacks to having a relationship with Hermione Granger, payback extraordinaire; you wind up getting the piss scared out of you, promptly seduced- in the good way-, drunk off your ass, and then unanimously elected mayor of Hangover-ville. And that's putting it lightly.

I sat up as much as I could without displacing Sleeping Beauty, who was currently draped across my torso, and reached for my wand. With her usual impeccable timing, Hermione woke up and smiled that particular smile that just makes you want to flip her onto her back and well… Anyways, I'd just whispered a few arcane syllables to officially demolish my headache when Hermione woke up.

"Good morning," I smiled, meaning it. I'd thought of another simple way to score a point in this little game of ours. "You're dead." She blinked, shocked for a minute. "What? No, I- How did you-?" "Oh yes," I interrupted, "I smothered you while you were asleep." I couldn't help but grin at her expression. She was pissed!

I kissed the end of her sculpted nose and danced out of bed. "Two for me, one for you!" What can I say? Gloating is one of my superpowers. She scrunched her mouth up at me and ordered me back to bed. After about a half hour's worth of "important discussion" with my better half, Hermione looked over at me with her eyebrow raised.. "How does that even count," she asked, "when I could have easily claimed the same thing?"

"Well, for one thing," I pointed out, "I was awake before you were. So that means you couldn't have gotten me." She opened her mouth to object, but stopped when I kissed her. No better way to quell an argument- at least with a woman you're seeing. I kissed her for a good sixty seconds; a heated and lust filled kiss. I wanted to make sure she temporarily forgot about her murder.

I wasn't so lucky. After pulling away and kissing her chin softly she grinned and opened her big eyes. "I do believe your recent killing doesn't count, dear love." Her grin twisted into a true Malfoy smirk.

Not trusting myself to be civil when I spoke, I just eyed her trying to send my thoughts into her head; "_What do you MEAN, wretch?" _She let out a hearty laugh and kissed me again. "When you first mentioned this little game of ours, you implied that to score points in this game, you have to be creative... and surprise each other."

I glared.

"So," she continued. Of course she was going to make sure the point was _stated._ "You murdering me while I was sleeping is lacking much creativity, hardly surprising, and for someone as intelligent and innovative as yourself... well, I'm rather disappointed with your work." She shrugged innocently.

Oh that bitch wasn't going to state the point, oh no she was going to make me change my mind on my own by damaging my ego, my precious wonderful ego. FUCK. I pursed my lips together and glared as hard as I could.

Well, I _tried_ to glare as hard as I could. Before long, Granger looked around, suddenly nervous. Then, she turned her big doe eyes onto me like a hell hound demon from his fire ring.

I was so whipped. She gave off the presence of an angel, of complete and utter innocence, of unblemished personality, of... ok you get the point. I broke.

"Fine. FINE." I surrendered and jumped off the bed, I couldn't bare her eyes a moment longer. Dirty cheater; women have no right to be so… so… influential.

"I knew you'd understand Drakey-poo!" She was mocking me now. Dear god help me. Granger then hopped off the bed after me and wrapped her arms around my neck happily, planting a smothering kiss on my lips. "You're the best!"

"Yea yea." I shrugged her off and got dressed. I could actually feel a bruise forming on the part of my shiny ego she'd kicked and dented. "I'm going to work."

I got dressed and loped down the stairs, slamming the door a little louder than I intended to. "She wants more creative," I muttered to no one in particular, "she'll get more than she bargained for."

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my valefran stone- a smooth shiny thing Joe Shmoe wouldn't know how to work even if two experts exhausted themselves trying to explain it. I looked into the shimmering black surface and called up the office. Gibbs, the stuttering greasy assistant at his desk blinked wide-eyed back at me a second later.

"Oh," he squeaked, "Mr. Malfoy, sir, what can I do for you? Shall I send a car to pick you-"

"No, Gibbs," I snarled- best to keep him on his toes. "I'll be in later today- I've got some personal matters to take care of." His eyes briefly glimmered with the hope of getting me into trouble- like he could; the only thing the Seniors hated more than excuses were rats. Before he could bother me with anything else, I tapped my wand on the black stone and shoved it back into my pocket.

I'm fairly certain a devilishly good looking smile was spread across my face while I looked around the street to check for witnesses. It wouldn't do me any good to be seen right about now, I can tell you that much for certain. Once I was in the clear, I drew a deep breath and started chanting all the right words as I cast one hell of a good show. I ran through a quick preliminary look of the spell and couldn't help myself.

"Wicked," I said grinning, then I apparated to Downtown. I appeared exactly where I had planned; only a few feet away from the BeWitched Boutique. Strolling into the shop, I managed to avoid the too-nice staff until I reached my target. I covered her eyes and chuckled into her ear.

"Guess who?" Pansy squeaked with delight and gave me a swift kick in the shin. I groaned in pain and smiled at her. She waved a finger and 'tsk'ed at me then grabbed my arm and pulled me into the back room with her.

Now, it's not what you think, so stop giving me that look.

"You really should know better than to sneak up on a lady, Mr. Malfoy," she harangued me while quickly shuffling through the rows upon rows of colored fabrics.

"Well," I spoke, rubbing my shin, "you should know better than to expect anything different from an old friend, Ms. Parkinson." She stopped shuffling to momentarily glower at me. Then she stuck out her tongue and went back to searching.

"You know," she rustled, "I don't think that Ms. Granger is going to-" I blanched and stuttered incoherently, interrupting her spiel. How did she find out I was seeing Hermione? Regaining my composure just as quickly, I glared hard at her cheeky grin.

"Really, Pansy, spying on me?" It was my turn to tsk and shake my finger. She just continued shuffling and shrugged her shoulder at me.

"Like mother, like daughter, I suppose." She stopped to turn and grin again. "Oh, wouldn't your _father_ LOVE to know what I know." I stared at her hard until she cleared her throat uneasily. She was joking, I know, but talking about _him _crosses a line I would rather stay ten hundred feet away from.

"Not funny, _Parkie_," I growled. She looked me over and apologized, then pulled a sapphire colored roll of fabric off of the rack- it was so blue it looked black, but shone when the light hit it just right. I stepped behind her and followed until we came to a large open work-room filled with different witches and wizards conjuring all shapes and sizes of dresses.

"I need black lace trim with fall-gold accent swatches right away," she ordered to no one in particular as she set up her worktable. A rather harassed looking witch dropped them off and scuttled away just as quickly. I looked at my watch while Pansy chanted and swished away.

She stopped and looked at me, an elegantly high eyebrow raised in a patronizing manner. "Have somewhere more important to be, Draco?" I looked innocently up at her.

"Oh," I began nonchalantly, "not really. I'm just going to miss my car accident." That got her; no snappy comeback for that one, ha ha! "Your what?"

I changed the subject, gesturing to her work space, "Is there any way we can get a pair of matching shoes? High heels, if you please." Pansy blinked at me then shook her head. "You tell me what you're up to young man, or I'll make this the ugliest dress you've ever seen."

I could feel that devilish grin again as I glanced at my watch and pulled the valefran back out of my pocket. "Actually," I said, "it would be much better if I _showed_ you."

After I tapped my wand against it, the view of the street in front of my house swam into view. My beautiful, charming, oh-so-going-to-get-it-good girlfriend stepped out onto the front step, checking her hand-bag for everything she needed.

As she stepped into the street, and a flash of green that she couldn't see- being the target of the spell and all- brought into view an imaginary, incredibly believable, black 1976 Plymouth Fury that was apparently careening down the street at 163 miles per hour… right towards the shocked and unbearably frightened look on Hermione Granger's face as I sat with my friend Pansy and looked on through my little rock.

Oh, the spell was everything I had knew it would be- it "smashed" right into her, the fake driver looking horrified and screaming believably, and the car denting and contorting as it plowed right into the shocked and frightened Hermione. She wasn't hurt, of course, and the masterful illusion disappeared as quickly as it had shown up- but the look on her face! She had fallen for it, no doubt.

I winked at the gaping look on Pansy's face, then gestured back at the smooth surface of the stone. I could hear my message ring through the stone as the horrified look on my lover's face was replaced with shock.

"Two for me, one for you love. Two for me, one for you." Pansy practically emanated her "Tell-me-everything-right-now" vibe at me while I practiced my "I'm-perfectly-innocent, I-don't-know-what-you're-talking-about" look.

"What," she pointed to the furious image of Hermione in the valefran stone, "was that about." It wasn't a question; I looked aghast, even clutched at my heart for dramatic effect- Yes, I am that good.

"Why, whatever do you mean dearest Pansy?" A thin stream of curses could be heard through the stone as Hermione loosed her rage to the empty air. Pansy hissed through her teeth, "That- that show! What's gotten into you that you'd try to give poor Hermione a heart attack!"

"Oh calm down, she knew something like that would happen," I picked at the imaginary dirt under my nails. The raging form of my girlfriend must've used a muting charm, but it wasn't completely thorough. "Besides, it was all under control- no way she could have died or even gotten hurt." Pansy whacked me across my head and went back to casting.

"I'd kill you I were her," she muttered. I chuckled at her and told her, with minor details, the game I had invented and was playing with my sailor-mouthed girlfriend. I tapped the stone again, silencing the occasional curse that leaked through her spell, and put it back where it belonged. The more I told her, the more she just shook her head and focused on her work.

"I just don't get the appeal," she sighed and stepped back from the fabric. A gorgeous Greek-styled dress hung, slowly spinning in mid-air. She cut a slit up to mid-thigh and stepped back once more, then looked at me, "You'd better know what you're getting yourself into, Draco- sounds like this could turn real ugly, real quick."

"Well I like the dress, personally," I was gifted with another violent smack to the back of my head. "You know what I meant," she growled, "and my dresses are always _perfect_, thank you very much." She was right, of course. The dark-blue fabric dripped in all the right places, and the dark golden-colored accents were just dark enough to complement.

"Shoes!" she snarled; another busy employee- a wizard this time- dropped a pair of glorious amber sandals onto the table-top. I frowned at them as best you can frown at a pair of shoes.

"But… high heels," I pouted. She grabbed the shoes and waved them at me. "No, you'll thank me later once you see her wearing these. Now, go to work and I'll send an owl with this and the dress." I shook my head at her and followed her back to the front of the store.

"No," I flashed a grin at her, "I'll take care of it. Say, you wouldn't happen to know of a good restaurant I could go to maybe?" She poked me in the ribs hard enough to make me wince.

"Don't be a jerk- just make a reservation at Della Fois in about ten minutes. I'll get you a good spot, so don't worry." She rolled her eyes at me as I kissed the top of her head. "You're the best, Pans." I grabbed the now-bundled dress and shoes and bolted outside, past the workers and shoppers.

"Ugh, don't call me that!" she called after me as the door closed. I waved at her, then quickly vanished to my less-interesting job, preparing for the definite howler I was sure to get and the great seat at a wonderful restaurant I was guaranteed. Oooh, also all the ways I could take advantage of her under the table. Oh c'mon! The dress I got her is so short! Ah, being me is so wonderful.


	3. My Mammoth Secret

Author's Note: It's been awhile since I've updated my Tango story, but what the hell. I'm also working on the next chapter of Riven and Druidess Part II. Since it's been so long, I'll give all readers another warning. This story is going to get graphic, not so much in this chapter but in coming chapters. Another little thing I'll remind readers, the characters are very _out_ of character. Enjoy. :)

Chapter 3: My Mammoth Secret

* * *

Alright, so I have a secret. It's not a terrible secret, but it's a mammoth of a secret.

I do more than work at the hospital, I do more than research. I also work for a secret department within the Ministry of Magic, helping to eliminate sources of evil within the Magical Community. For lack of a better job description, I'm a spy, or emissary. And sometimes, I directly murder or indirectly result in the murder of other people.

Don't worry, I won't hurt you... haha... ha... ha... really.

And, not to brag, but there are few things in this world that shock me these days. After taking a major part in the War, being a very exclusive member of an Elite Force within the Ministry, and dating Ronald Weasley for a brief amount of time, there are few surprises in this world to me.

Of course, there is one exception. Draco Malfoy is the epitome of said exception. He has found multiple ways to freak me out, in different ways, on different levels. Well, he can add another notch to that "Lets Shock The Hell Out Of Hermione Granger Because I can!" belt he wears. Honestly, I should have been expecting something to happen to me when I walked out of the Manor this morning. It's not like this game we're playing is a secret to either of the participants.

I just _wasn't_ expecting it. And that's a serious flaw.

But gods damn it all, and that Draco Malfoy! I was running so, so late this morning, my shoes didn't match one another, I couldn't find my Dragon Pox file, which I've practically dedicated my life to working on, and I should have been at the hospital thirty minutes previously. So, of course I wasn't expecting to get RUN OVER BY A CAR.

Not that I _actually_ got ran over by a car. No, it was all just an illusion, something my "boyfriend" is rather good at. Again, I should have expected it. But I can't lie to myself, or to you for that matter. I'm royally pissed off at me!!! I was center-front for one of the most painful and infamous Wizarding Wars in England. I'm Auror trained and my reflexes are downright fantastic. I should have MOVED. Why didn't I move??

Let me break this down. When the thought processed completely in my head that there was a speeding car coming directly at me, approximately moving around 160 miles per hour, I still had a good 50 feet in front of me, time that I could have used to move to the side! It would have only taken a few seconds to strafe a couple of feet. I'm extremely agile! Why didn't I move???

Not only that, but I can't believe that I was involved in a fake hit-and-run... by a Plymouth Fury. It's like he's insulting me.

And then, to make matters supremely worse than they were already, I was in the middle of a very important Researcher meeting at the hospital(about that Dragon Pox file that I had yet to find, I might add!) when a singing, rainbow colored Pygmy Puff flies through the window in the Staff Room and starts singing and dancing around about my "Delicious-Looking-Taste-So-Sweet-Want-To-Eat-It-All-Up-Creamy-Legs" and "Those-Super-Fine-Gotta-Call-'Em-Divine-Breasts-Of-Yours!". If I wasn't so active for all creature's rights, I would have strangled the thing!!! I can't believe he would humiliate me in front of half my co-workers. He should know how important that job is to me!

After the Puff ceased singing, it left a note in the middle of the staff table labeled, "Granger Pie." He's never called me that before, it was done specifically to embarrass me. After having to ask my _boss_ to pass me the note, because I couldn't reach, I had to read a note asking me to join him for dinner at Della Fois? And my attire would be presented to me in my office?

To make a long story short, I'm sitting here at this restaurant, wearing this incredibly revealing black and gold dress, these amber shoes, and my hair is gelled!!! And you know what? That bastard who made me gel my hair is 35 minutes late. 35 MINUTES LATE. He sets this whole thing up, after running me over with a fucking PLYMOUTH FURY, ruining my meeting at St. Mungo's, and he had the gall to be late. I'll kill him. I'll kill him with my super ninja powers. Don't think I won't.

I had already had several glasses of water, and the overly happy waiter kept coming back to make sure I didn't need anything else. What I needed was some rope, a dagger, a shit ton of lemons, and my boyfriend!

Ugh. I decided that instead of sitting there wasting my time I should come up with a new way to murder that bastard I call the love of my life. What could I do? He hit me with a car, I had to get him back with something equally surprising and something even more insulting. Unfortunately, as I ruled out poisoning his food(literally), he showed up. He showed up looking like hell. His hair was messy, his work clothes were wrinkled, and it looked like he got punched.

Well, good. Someone obviously warmed him up for me.

"Oh 'Mione, I'm so sorry!!! I can't believe how late I am. Things got seriously held up at work. It was chaotic." He gave me a chaste kiss on the lips before sitting down and snapping at the aforementioned overly happy waiter and getting a large brandy.

But I wouldn't be swayed. My stance was one of annoyance. I quickly came to the conclusion that he would have to suffer tremendously for what he did to me. I put my feet out, leaning back in my chair, a painful glare, and I sat sipping my water and clicking my tongue. Sighing, I gave a "Sure."

"Don't be like that, look what I did for us tonight." He pushed, gesturing the our surroundings, Della Fois restaurant. Of course, since Malfoy was Mr. Big Shot and a Half, the table was private, which was actually a really good thing.

"What you DID?" I said, sitting up to my full height, matching his stare. "What did you do, Malfoy?"

"I got us seats in this perfect, romantic restaurant just so I could tell you how beautiful you are. And I bought you these perfect, romantic Moonstone earrings." He replied, pushing a rounded, velvet box towards me. He bought me something as a buffer. I wouldn't allow it to hold.

"No, I don't think that is what you did." I declared, pushing the box back towards him. "Now, lets think. What did you do?" I mocked putting a finger on my chin. "OH. RIGHT. Plymouth Fury! Does that ring any bells?"

His smirk slowly grew. "Vaguely." He wiggled his eyebrows. "It brings up a reoccurring thought I had today. It went a little something like this: Malfoy-two, Granger-one. I'm in the lead baby!!!" Then he proceeded to dance.

I pulled out my wand so quickly and muttered the spell equally as fast, he didn't realize it hit him until his normally ego-inflated head was so tiny on his broad shoulders. Yes, I shrunk his head to the size of a gold ball. "Have fun eating with that tiny little mouth you got there, Malfoy. I'll be at work. Not being run over by CARS."

I stood and marched out giving him a cold look on my way. Now, I know that being angry with him was slightly irrational and childish, but being over dramatic is always fun.

Unfortunately, being over dramatic wasn't my only reason for leaving Draco to eat alone at Della Fois.

Maybe if he hadn't sprung the whole dinner meeting on me, I could have avoided having to work.

Sigh.

I wish I could just tell him, though. However it would be a serious health risk for him, I love him too much to put him in that kind of danger. What could I do? Thinking about it made me kind of sad, it was the first time I realized it, first time I thought it, that night at Della Fois. With my double life, Draco couldn't really be spontaneous with me. Where the fuck is the romance in that?

Stepping out into the fresh, cold air I apparated immediately to the Ministry. I was on the edge of running late, in my line of work that is dangerously ill advisable; but the soft side of me could never ditch Draco like that. I appeared at the Ministry Apparition Point and began a brisk walk towards the lifts. Being that it was later in the evening, few people roamed around. Mostly only the Security Wizguards and a few young interns who were eager to get a jump start into the political world.

The barred doors of the giant elevator opened to me and I stepped into the lift quickly. A small, rounded, blue pad appeared. It had a small white orb circling the edges of the pad and glowed a luminous blue and was only seen to higher level Officials. I pulled out my wand and twirled it in sync with the white orb. After exactly 15 seconds, the lift promptly preformed a Stealth Sensory Scan for any kind of disguise I might be under, running a small, almost invisible, laser-beamish light around the room horizontally and vertically. Next it asked me to state my name: "Hermione Jean Granger." It authenticated my voice and then asked my clearance question.

Finally, the lift began to move. I had exactly one minute to be in my boss' office, bloody lift.

See, after Voldemort died, Harry worked really hard to make sure the new Ministry was reformed enough for a Voldemort free world. The previous Ministers had all failed to do what the public really needed, only what they wanted. And we all know, the people never want what they need.

Harry, Ron, and myself had been extremely active in the reform. One of the major projects that Harry had worked on personally was an elite section of the Auror Department where a select few people worked in order to prevent the particular nasty people from becoming the next Voldemort, people who were deemed a threat to the political world and the Magical society.

I had helped with the creation of this section, along with Harry. At time I didn't realize I would soon be working there. But we'll get into that another time. For now, I had to see what my boss wanted. He usually only bothered me on the weekends. It was Wednesday.

While I liked my boss, he was not the kind of man I wanted to see too often. He was a good guy, but with strange morals. He stood vigorously next to one phrase: The end justifies the means. And he preached it to his puppets daily. I never took to it like the others.

His name was Roland Harwood. He led our section of the Department and he, so far, had a flawless run at it. I walked into his office and stood in front of him, as was protocol. "Boss." I said in greeting.

"Granger. Thought you were going to late." His voice was a rough bass, but he spoke with tremendous clarity.

"No, sir." I found my posture was slipping, so I straightened and stared directly in front of me.

"Here." He said simply, throwing a folder in my direction. It slid perfectly along his marble desk, stopping just short of the edge. I picked it up and nodded. "Shouldn't be too much trouble, just bring him in for questioning and I'll see you Friday."

That was all it took. Keeping up with my cover, I went to the hospital directly after stepping out of the lifts. Just in case. I feigned forgetting a personal file to the receptionist and stepped into my office, locking the door behind me.

Sitting down behind my desk, I tapped the lamp with my wand, allowing a dim light to rush through my office and I cracked open my new assignment. There was a strange taste in my mouth, I guess I didn't like working during the week. My post at the Department had always been a weekend thing.

What I saw there made me laugh. It was my regular: Clarance Jerel. He was a small time thief who worked within the Underground Organization, a small sect of people like me, only working outside the law, and outside moral boundaries.(They were like rabid paladins, it was downright scary at times.) We often crossed paths and we often didn't like it. While Clarance was small on my radar, he had caused trouble for the Ministry from time to time. My objective was only to bring him in for questioning.

It always turned out he never knew anything. But on rare occasion, he could provide. The cool thing about Clarance was we had become somewhat friendly towards each other over the days. It was a standard agreement between the two of us. He didn't run when he saw me, and I stayed when I saw him. This should be incredibly easy.

Deciding it was best to get this done and over with, because I still had to go home to an angry boyfriend(maybe he'll still give me those Moonstone earrings!) and I had actual work at the hospital tomorrow morning, I stood from my desk. The light went out and I shrunk the folder and stuffed it in my bra- I was still wearing my fancy dress, there was no where else to put it!

I walked out of my office and left the hospital. Stepping out into the cool air, I took a deep breath. Then another one. Then a third one. I let the coldness slip into my body, numbing it just slightly. I cleared my head and focused entirely on one thought.

Clarance Jerel.

Smiling, I pulled out my LocaOrb, a small bronze stone-like object given to me as a gift a couple of years ago. It was an odd sort of item, yet awesomely helpful. Using it was easy, you just held it in your hand after focusing unmitigated attention on a person you're trying to find.

It didn't spit out the location like I had expected when I first received the gift. No, instead it gave you _the feeling_ that you knew where the person was. It was a strange kind of magic, but isn't that the best kind?

The really interesting thing about the Orb, as if it wasn't enthralling enough, was that if you tried locate the same person again, it took less time. It became familiar with people as it found them, becoming more sensitive to that person's whereabouts. It was adaptive.

I find mechanisms like that really, really astonishing.

Anyways, after a few seconds of holding the Orb, I knew exactly where I could find Clarance Jerel and apparated on the spot.

Tryst Bar, the place I almost always found my charge in. Putting on my alias' mask, I walked in hastily and was automatically assaulted with stares and wolf whistles from the surrounding gentlemen. Ah, to be beautiful. At least, Draco always said I had a certain, unattainable beauty. But Draco lied a lot, so who knew? I didn't look like Hermione Granger at that moment anyways.

My eyes scanned the room, looking for that familiar head of dull blond hair. He was in the corner, looking right at me and looking like hell.

Clarance gave me a look and then downed a shot. If I didn't know better, I would say he was preparing to run. So, I pulled out my wand and returned the look. Grudgingly, he stood up and walked towards me, suddenly looking older than I remembered and completely worn out.

"Westbrook." He said in greeting. "Do me a favor, sweetie. Make it look like I struggled, like I din't come forwards willingly."

It was an odd request, but I had a vague notion as to why he asked for me to take him down. He wanted to fool the people he worked for, I got it.

He put up a fighting stance and threw a small punch in my face. It didn't hurt, it was hardly anything at all. But it was enough for me to retaliate. I punched him back in the face, aiming for his eye to leave a small mark. Then, I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed as "hard" as I could. He fell back on the ground pathetically fake like, I pulled out my wand and bound him.

"Lets go, Jerel." We walked out into the cool air and I grabbed onto his hands with my own. "Don't try to run. Alright?"

"Sure thang, sweet cheeks." He almost seemed defeated. But I wouldn't push it, I only had one job to do.

Using side-along apparation, we arrived at the Ministry Apparation Point and I was automatically greeted with a Wizguard. He took Jerel from me and led him away. I waited around the Atrium for a bit before Harwood appeared from the lifts. He walked towards me causally, gave me a pat on the shoulder and dismissed me. "Friday."

"Yes, sir."

After dislodging my Mask, I floo'd home. Walking into the study, I saw Draco was waiting for me. He looked a little better than at dinner. He had changed into his bedtime clothes and had taken a shower. But his nose was slightly bruised. I sat down beside him and swung my legs over his lap. I put my hands on his face and gave him a slight kiss.

"Thank you for the earrings, I'm sorry about dinner, and I will get you back when you least expect it."

"You're welcome for the earrings, it's okay about dinner, and I can't wait."

Then he kissed me. Ahh, life.


End file.
